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"Nobody, but nobody can make it out here alone."
Maya Angelou

As we age, we depend more and more on friends to comfort us so we feel less alone. We need to talk about our fears and failures, our hopes and dreams. We need someone to listen and say, "I know just what you mean," when we talk about our mother, our husband, our job. We need someone who can understand our feelings when our hearts are broken. Someone we can call in the middle of the night. Someone who can talk us through a crisis and say, "You're strong. You can do it."

We change. The friends we need change. As teenagers, we needed friends in the right circles to prop up our fragile self-esteem. As we age and learn to accept ourselves, we pick our friends for who they are, not how they look. We change. Life changes. We set out in a new spiritual direction, change jobs, get a divorce and seek new friends. We have new interests and want to share them.

My husband is a good guy and a good friend. I can ramble along about many things-- until I start talking about feelings. Most men don't care about hot flashes-- unless you're grouchy. Then they'll head for the garage or rake the yard. If you complain about your favorite pants that won't zip, they'll probably be smart enough not to offer suggestions there, either. Men are
great-- just hard to talk to. They want to fix-it and get on with it. So, don't complain about your mother or your sister or he might try to fix it-- and make things worse. We need female friends when we want to talk about feelings.

You're never alone if you have a few good friends a phone call or mouse click away.

There's good times, bad times, and sad times. Do you have a good friend who listens?

Molly Brown, DMS



( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 6th, 2010 02:30 pm (UTC)
This reminds me of the workplace where my son is, which is run by a bunch of OCD women and where the males are freaked out. Why are they freaked out? Because the males feel that the women do not appreciate the males getting the work done. The women want to be ACKNOWLEDGED first and foremost. Oh the horror of it! With my son growing up with me as his mother, he knows that these women, bitchy and nutty as they are, need to be acknowledged and listened to and is on his way up in their world because of it. But he still sympathizes with the poor oppressed males who are having a hard time functioning in this feelings-first world.

Do I have good friends? Yes, but sometimes LJ is perfect for me to vent without fearing that I will run off the friends I do have.
Nov. 8th, 2010 09:04 pm (UTC)
I lost my husband 12 years ago. Without my friends, I'm sure I wouldn't be here today. It wasn't easy and still isn't easy, but having them has helped. I only wish I'd listened more to their warnings. I've had 4 unsuccessful relationships. Sometimes we don't want to hear the truth. A good friend knows you need the truth. It's hard to wonder if you're going to jeopardize the relationship with the truth, but it needs to be done. I'm on the other side looking at those who are making the same mistakes made due to my insecurity and loneliness.
As women we can feel what others are going through because we've been there or have it to look forward to. With menopause in my life now, I'll need those friends more than ever.
Life isn't easy, but friends help so much. I am so lucky to have every one of them.
Feb. 22nd, 2011 03:51 pm (UTC)
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Good article. Thank you.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )